Blank Wedding Invitations at The Wedding Place!

We recently received an email from a bride-to-be, asking an important question, and with her permission, we have reproduced both the question and our answer here:

Hello,

I was wondering if you would be kind enough to give me your opinion on an etiquette issue. My finance and I are planning a small family wedding (less than 25 guests) for a Sunday in June. We would like a simple outdoor ceremony followed by brunch. We anticipate paying for the ceremony itself.

We are not registering for gifts or doing any of the things traditionally associated with wedding plans. Would it be inappropriate to ask guests to pay $25 per person for the cost of the brunch? If this is not a rude thing to ask, how would I go about it? Should I include it in the invitation?

Should I ask my guests (who are all family) to pay for themselves ahead of time--like when they RSVP by mail to include a check as well? I want to have my family and my finance's family there with us on this special day, but we can't afford to pay for everyone and neither one of our parents or other family members are willing or able to help us out with the cost.

Thanks,
Beth

This was our reply to her question:

Under no circumstances is it permissible to either request money or to express gift preferences or alternatively, to discourage gift-giving in an invitation to a wedding, no matter how informal the invitation is to be. The illusion that should be maintained is that a person is being invited to witness and celebrate your marriage with you. Gifts, if given, are a nice surprise to the happy couple.

Obviously money is tight for you and your fiancé--so how can you achieve your goal without insulting the very people you wish as your guests?

Your invitation should be for the ceremony itself--with no mention of a post-ceremony celebration of any kind. When a guest responds with an RSVP, it is then permissible to mention that "such and such"--which could be a friend, parent, or relative--has mentioned to you both that after the ceremony they plan to go to "so and so" restaurant for a brunch, and you and your fiancé are planning to join them there as well. Since not all guests RSVP, especially is only a ceremony is planned, you should have the same person make a carefully-worded announcement after the ceremony. It should be along the lines of, "My wife and I had planned to try the brunch at such-and-such restaurant, and if anyone would like to join us there, we're leaving in a few minutes--(pause for a few seconds)--we've even asked the happy couple to join us!

That should make it clear that the brunch is a post cerebration gathering which is someone else's idea, and of which you two have very little part--other than as fellow guests with the same status as everyone else. Make sure, though, that you have someone who is willing to function in this capacity, and who will be in charge of collecting when the bill comes--or better yet, go to a buffet-type restaurant, where guests pay before they are seated.

This nicely takes care of the issue, saves feelings, and it should be very clear to all that if they want to celebrate after your wedding, they will have to pay for it without putting all that on an invitation--which would be incredibly tacky.

You see, Beth, "There's always more than one way to skin a horse!"