Sunday, January 09, 2005
Negotiating with Wedding Vendors
Negotiation is the art of opening a door and gently leading a person to it, not backing a person into a blank wall! After over 30 years in the business of catering to brides and their families, we can often "size up" who we are dealing with in a very short time--often within five minutes of a first meeting.
Two Scenarios--Which Bride Got a Discount?
Scenario 1
Bride phoned around to talk to various makers of party favors and reception decorations, and has a list of people to visit. While on the phone with these vendors, bride wants details, descriptions, and prices, although the vendors she's speaking to don't yet have any idea of when and where the reception is to be and what she has in mind. Bride refuses to give many details, and most of the vendors she's speaking to refuse to quote price, although she does her best to "trap" the people she's speaking to into price and time commitments. Bride has already marked herself as trouble.
The bride makes an appointment with one particular vendor at 6:00 pm, then shows up at 6:30 pm without notice, despite being informed in their telephone conversation that store closes at 7:00 pm on that day. Bride proceeds to demand that every favor design, relevant or not, in the store be taken from its display and discussed with her, including any variation that might be cheaper, making it difficult to wait on other customers. Although the prices of the favors are clearly marked, at all times she tries to pin the vendor down for an immediate discount, which the vendor refuses to do. It is now 7:30 pm and the store is closed. Vendor has dismissed the clerk assisting her at 7:00 pm and her family is waiting for her so that they can all eat dinner together.
Bride then states that she's talking to a lot of other vendors as well and states that she will need at least four hundred favors, delivered between 2 pm and 3 pm--no sooner and no later--on June xx. All favors must be put in place between that time. She states that if the vendor meets the price she wants to pay, the vendor has the business, and she wants an answer right now. Since it is three months before the wedding, the vendor wonders how the bride can possibly know she will need 400 favors.
The bride believes that she is being business-like and gaining the upper hand, because the vendor has responded with professional courtesy. In fact, the bride has been demanding and inconsiderate, and the vendor then goes to her appointment book and informs the bride that she will simply not be able to fill the order on that day--at any price. Bride leaves in a huff, and the vendor goes home after a long day on her feet to eat dinner with her family.
The Vendor's Position:
Her favors are unique, one of a kind designs, and she takes pleasure in designing them to suit the requests and needs of her customers. She has priced her favors to reflect the time it takes to assemble them and the materials that are in them (which can be up to 10 different items from 10 different vendors with 10 different minimum quantities), as well as the transportation costs to delivery them at the wedding, as well as the cost in time to pay someone to put the favors in place.
Vendor is familiar with her competitors and what they offer, and she knows that she is quite competitive in comparison. In addition, her designs are copyrighted, so the vendor knows she won't get the same thing elsewhere. She is quite annoyed that her original designs and fair pricing have not been acknowledged; she has been treated on a par with others in her profession, many of whom will not be in business in a year because of their shady pricing and servicing practices and shoddy workmanship. Therefore, the statement regarding other vendors only serves to annoy her, and to mark the bride as ignorant. In addition, the bride has named a quantity that she can't possibly need as a negotiating tactic to try to get a better price; instead, she has just marked herself as untrustworthy to do business with.
The vendor has two other bookings on that day, which is at the height of the wedding season, and is not sure that she could meet the demands of another sizeable order anyway, but certainly not from a demanding customer. The two other orders are coming from the daughters of former brides she has served in the past. In addition, she will have to pay for two people to lay out the favors rather than one because the bride demands that they be put in place in one hour--again, at the height of the wedding season, although the vendor is willing to adsorb the cost if the amount is in fact 400--but certainly not to give a discount on top of that
Having had a lot of experience servicing brides for over 20 years, the vendor suspects that since the bride has already claimed a quantity she can't possibly know, the bride will quite possibly try to switch or alter later what is in the favor to her benefit, causing endless hassles and time on the telephone for them both. The vendor has made up her mind that if the bride stays one minute after 7:30 pm, she will be informed that the vendor has to leave. At 7:25 pm, the bride gets insistent that the vendor quote her a price right then and there, even though the vendor has already explained that she will have to look up the manufacturers and see if they have larger quantity discounts. At that point, the vendor makes up her mind that this bride is definitely a problem that cannot be resolved.
The vendor then asks again about the wedding date, even though she already knows the date, and when told takes out her appointment book, looks it over, and turns the bride down on the pretense that she already has too many bookings at that time.
On the wedding day, it turns out that one of the vendor's brides is having her reception right next to the bride she has turned down. She stops in to the reception area to find a woman there laying out the favors, and greets her. The woman is late--the guests are already entering the reception area--and she is just beginning to unload the truck. The vendor is well aware that the lady in question works out of her home and is in the habit of overcharging; she will show a bride a sample, then make it up with cheaper parts and without quality control. The vendor is also aware that the woman regards making favors as a "side job" and is not reliable, and that since she has no business licenses or store front, can't purchase in wholesale quantities and in fact purchases the parts that need assembling at a local craft store. If the store is out of stock, or if she sees a cheaper component, the woman will simply switch parts without notifying the customer.
The favors are already coming apart and have not been placed correctly on each table, as the bride directed. The competitor's definition of favor placement is to "dump" them all on the place card table at the entrance, to let the guests help themselves, despite assurances to the bride to the contrary. This woman is well aware that the bride has already paid her, and short of suing the woman, there will be little the bride can do to recoup the loss.
Scenario 2
The bride calls in advance and has a conversation with the vendor, asking her not about price, but what she can do for her wedding reception. She states what she has in mind, when her wedding date is, how many she is likely to need with a statement like, "We have issued 400 invitations, and we're thinking that 300 will actually attend--what do you think?" She may have asked for a price range, but that is all. The bride makes an appointment with the vendor.
Bride calls at 5:30 pm to tell the vendor that she is running late, and asking if 6:30 pm will be too late, and offering to make another appointment instead. She tells the vendor that she is very pressed for time, but understands that the vendor also has a life. The vendor responds with at OK to come at 6:30 pm, but lets her know that the store closes at 7:00 pm, and asks the bride if she thinks it will be sufficient time for her. The vendor prepares for the bride's visit in advance by bringing out the favors the bride is likely to want to see, based on the bride's clear communication regarding the theme and colors of the wedding, and what her vision is.
Bride comes into the store at 6:30 pm to be greeted with a tray of favors for her consideration with clearly-marked prices on each one, in the colors of her wedding. Vendor asks if there are any special limitations or problems she potentially might have to deal with on the wedding day, and the bride responds with the requirement that the favors must be placed in one hour with strict timing limits, although she is working on getting the wedding planner's staff to at least partially assist.
Bride loves and exclaims over the vendor's work and mentions several other weddings the vendor has done, and asks if there might be a quantity discount, and where the "price break" would be--100, 200, etc. She also says that she does not need an answer at that moment--she realized that the vendor must work up a price based on the quantity and conditions, and the fact that the vendor probably had a life and wanted to go home.
The vendor assured her that she will check her suppliers and see if she can do a "little better" on pricing. Vendor also said that she might be able to do even a little better with guaranteed favor placement assistance on the wedding day, but before discounting further, she would have to speak to the wedding planner as well regarding the assistance.
Bride calls the next morning to tell the vendor that her wedding planner is willing to be responsible for complete favor placement--if the vendor will be able to deliver. Vendor tells the bride that she is working on a discount with her suppliers at that moment, and will take that fact into consideration a well.
The vendor is motivated to give the bride her best price and even goes to the extra time and trouble of negotiating with her suppliers, for the following reasons:
- The bride was polite and considerate at all times--she treated her potential vendor and her staff as the professionals they were.
- The bride knew enough of what she wanted and communicated that in advance, and when she had to be late could make up her mind in sufficient time to not require additional services, making the vendor believe (correctly) that she would not cost the vendor extra time in the future--and time is money.
- The bride stroked the ego of the vendor, by acknowledging that her designs were unique, and expressing a desire to have her do her favors.
- The bride was willing to concede something in return--in this case, favor placement on a heavily booked wedding day.
- As quickly as possible, the bride turned her conversation from "you and I" to, "we."
Conclusion:
Which bride got her way? The bride in Scenario 1 definitely made her point. She let the vendor know that she was one of many, and that the bride had the upper hand because she was the potential customer, and in doing so, she set herself up to be taken advantage of, certainly the opposite of her goal.
A vendor who has been in business for a number of years--which at the very least suggests that her prices are fair, she is reliable, and her work good--would have enough bookings that she could opt not to deal with a potential customer who was likely to be additional trouble for her, both in getting the order together and in its delivery. In effect, the vendor was backed into a wall, and decided to opt out. The bride made her point, then the vendor made hers.
The bride ended up dealing with a vendor who could spend the time to cater to her attitude and whims and (supposedly) give her the discount the bride thought she deserved because the vendor had no other bookings (word gets around fast) and because the vendor was planning to cheat on both services and materials.
The second bride got the vendor, favors and pricing she wanted and when she wanted them because the vendor was not backed into a wall--she was shown a door. The bride was willing to offer concessions in favor placement, she acknowledged the vendor's uniqueness and already fair pricing, and she did not try to tie up the time of the vendor and her assistants, acknowledging that time is also money, and she left the question of quantity open, by asking where the price break might be. In other words, the bride showed the vendor an open door, and the vendor walked through it.
The first bride made her point--and it cost her to do so--but the second bride got her way!
An Invitation Etiquette Question
We recently received an email from a bride-to-be, asking an important question, and with her permission, we have reproduced both the question and our answer here:
Hello,
I was wondering if you would be kind enough to give me your opinion on an etiquette issue. My finance and I are planning a small family wedding (less than 25 guests) for a Sunday in June. We would like a simple outdoor ceremony followed by brunch. We anticipate paying for the ceremony itself.
We are not registering for gifts or doing any of the things traditionally associated with wedding plans. Would it be inappropriate to ask guests to pay $25 per person for the cost of the brunch? If this is not a rude thing to ask, how would I go about it? Should I include it in the invitation?
Should I ask my guests (who are all family) to pay for themselves ahead of time--like when they RSVP by mail to include a check as well? I want to have my family and my finance's family there with us on this special day, but we can't afford to pay for everyone and neither one of our parents or other family members are willing or able to help us out with the cost.
Thanks,
Beth
This was our reply to her question:
Under no circumstances is it permissible to either request money or to express gift preferences or alternatively, to discourage gift-giving in an invitation to a wedding, no matter how informal the invitation is to be. The illusion that should be maintained is that a person is being invited to witness and celebrate your marriage with you. Gifts, if given, are a nice surprise to the happy couple.
Obviously money is tight for you and your fiancé--so how can you achieve your goal without insulting the very people you wish as your guests?
Your invitation should be for the ceremony itself--with no mention of a post-ceremony celebration of any kind. When a guest responds with an RSVP, it is then permissible to mention that "such and such"--which could be a friend, parent, or relative--has mentioned to you both that after the ceremony they plan to go to "so and so" restaurant for a brunch, and you and your fiancé are planning to join them there as well. Since not all guests RSVP, especially is only a ceremony is planned, you should have the same person make a carefully-worded announcement after the ceremony. It should be along the lines of, "My wife and I had planned to try the brunch at such-and-such restaurant, and if anyone would like to join us there, we're leaving in a few minutes--(pause for a few seconds)--we've even asked the happy couple to join us!
That should make it clear that the brunch is a post cerebration gathering which is someone else's idea, and of which you two have very little part--other than as fellow guests with the same status as everyone else. Make sure, though, that you have someone who is willing to function in this capacity, and who will be in charge of collecting when the bill comes--or better yet, go to a buffet-type restaurant, where guests pay before they are seated.
This nicely takes care of the issue, saves feelings, and it should be very clear to all that if they want to celebrate after your wedding, they will have to pay for it without putting all that on an invitation--which would be incredibly tacky.
You see, Beth, "There's always more than one way to skin a horse!"
