Monday, January 31, 2005
Wedding Invitation Etiquette--Who Does the Inviting?
We get inquiries from time to time regarding the name or names that should be listed as the inviters, or hosts. The answer is quite simple: whoever is paying is the host, and therefore the people who are listed.
For instance, if the parents of the bride are paying for the church and reception, excluding the items that are traditionally considered to be the grooms expenses, such as the flowers for the couple's mothers, the bridal bouquet, etc., the wording would be:
For instance, if the parents of the bride are paying for the church and reception, excluding the items that are traditionally considered to be the grooms expenses, such as the flowers for the couple's mothers, the bridal bouquet, etc., the wording would be:
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
invite you to celebrate
the marriage of their daughter
Miss Alicia Doe
to
Mister Richard John Anyman
on Saturday, February twenty-eighth
two thousand and five
at
Ebenezer Baptist Church
Thirty Misty Lane
Anywhere, Alabama
If both parents were paying relatively the same amount of the expenses, they would be the hosts together, as in:
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
and
Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Anyman
invite you to celebrate the marriage of their children
If the couple themselves were paying for the majority of the wedding, they would be the hosts, and the wording would be:
Miss Alicia Doe
and
Mister Richard John Anyman
invite you to attend their marriage
While their parents might be paying for a small part of the wedding, they would not be considered the hosts if the lion's share of the expenses were met by the couple. For instance, one set of parents might offer to pay for transportation for the couple and wedding party, and the other set of parents might offer to pay for an open bar. They would not be listed as the hosts, because those expenses are only a small part of the ceremony and reception.
If the expenses were to be split equally between both parents and the couple, the invitation would read:
Miss Alicia Doe
and
Mr. Richard John Anyman
together with their parents
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
and
Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Anyman
Despite the etiquette listed above, the couple might find themselves in a situation where one or both sets of parents become offended that they have not been listed by name on the invitation. In such cases, you have two options. The first option is to list them as the parents of, while the couple still does the inviting. The second might involve something like a little blackmail, such as, "You can consult any etiquette book, and they all say that the person or persons that pay are the hosts and do the inviting." However, if you would like us to change the wording . . . Well, you get the idea.
The wording to including the parents by name, while still indicating the hosts would read:
Miss Alicia Doe
daughter of
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
and
Mr. Richard Anyman
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Jacob Anyman
invite you to attend the celebration of their marriage
On a formal wedding invitation, notice that nothing except "Mr." and Mrs." on an invitation is abbreviated, and numbers are spelled out. Some invitation manufacturers still recommend using the English style spelling as well, such as "honour" rather than "honor," but that is now considered not only optional, but today some regard using English-style spelling as affected. Notice also that a zip code in any form is not used
Deceased parents are not including on a wedding invitation; they could not possibly be the hosts, even if they left one of the couple to be married money for that purpose, because the money would be an inheritance. Deceased parents may be remembered on the dedication page of your wedding program, and could also be remembered during the lighting of the unity candle, with their own special candle of remembrance.
